When a year, not to mention a decade ends, most of us sit for a moment and reflect on the past. What did we experience and more importantly what did we learn through our experiences? Whether these moments were relationships won or lost, challenges overcome or not, or simply the reaching of new horizons, being able to reconcile the effect of all of this in a ‘glass half full’ kind of way, is a useful way to wrap things up before moving on. Sometimes though, this is easier said than done. We can expend a lot of our emotional energy looking backwards, when we really need to just invest in the promise of today, and our future.
Most of the people I know, myself included, struggle with letting go of the past. That is not to say we don’t look forward, but we allow too much of our thinking to be dominated by historical things. Now given I am a student of history, that may seem counter intuitive, but what a good student of history recognises is how past events inform the future. That we are in fact not hostage to the past. I have to concede I have certainly been guilty of being hostage to my past, and thereby having spent too much time thinking about what could have been. The consequence of this was that I was not making good decisions about the now, let alone the future.
I would argue that we all have a finite amount of emotional ‘capital’ to spend. Hopefully life experience helps give us the wisdom to spend this capital on things that help make our lives happy and fulfilling. So much of this expenditure is on relationships, a lot will be on work, some on holidays and ‘fun things’, and hopefully some is allocated to our health. Where we often struggle is firstly understanding what it is that actually makes us happy, and consequently we don’t invest our capital in the right things.
My experience is that when I focused too much of my thinking on the past, whether that be failed relationships, or lost opportunities in work, I was not steering my life in a positive way. I was worried about lost happiness, and with this mindset, I was so vulnerable to what seemed like a huge number of emotional triggers that would encourage bouts of sadness. These triggers were things like certain songs or smells, or places. What I have learned is that I need to be aware of how I think, including how I spend my thinking time. I now spend more time thinking about the opportunity of today, or tomorrow, rather than allowing a great old Foreigner song to make me sad. I can enjoy the song, remember briefly that it means something about a happy time, but that it does not represent loss.
Unsurprisingly, when we have close family or friends experience life changing trauma or death, we can usually gain far better perspective on the ‘now’, but as one of my favourite social media influencers Simon Sinek has often said, we also need to be able to identify our ‘why’. Know what your ‘why’ is in life, not just in business, or work. Use it to guide your decisions and your energy, so that you remain true to who you are and to your values. Use it to maintain focus on what fulfils you. Have a think about your ‘why’? Find what motivates you and do something about it. Carpe Diem!
It has only taken me 52 years to reach some level of awareness on much of this ‘untidiness’ and, for so much of my life, things seemed so comparatively simple. However, I have been extraordinarily fortunate in so many ways, and for that I’m grateful every day. Everyone has their own story, and everyone deals with their story in their own way. As we enter into a new decade, I’d like to suggest that you take a moment to reflect, reconcile, and then devote your energy to moving forward. If you have nailed this already, fantastic. If you think you need help to move forward, don’t hesitate to seek it. Whether it be through your friends, family or professional help, never think you are alone in the struggle. We all struggle.
Mark Yule
Director CrossFit Minerva